How far we have come! 12/29/08

J. and the kids at the zoo 9/19/2008

Kensley 7 months 12/18/08

Kensley on 9/19/08

I have been looking back at the pictures of Kensley when we first went to Omaha. She was only 4 months, but she was very small for 4 months. She just didn't look very healthy, but to see her now is an amazing change. Today she hit 17lbs. WOW! God is good. The next year is going to be an amazing year that shows us the miracle that God has planned for our family. We are not going to concentrate on the things that Kensley will never do, like eat a piece of fruit or run a marathon, BUT we are going to concentrate on what we can do, like eat meat and potatoes or have birthday cake made with Splenda. God will see us through and He will see you through too, no matter what your challenge may be. Hold tight. It's going to be a miracle ride. Happiness to you in 2009. Tana

2009 Here we come! 12/27/08

Christmas morning
Kensley at the dance recital

Kaydee and Rachel in their Leroy the Redneck Reindeer outfits

Cooper with Santa

Well, I hope everyone enjoyed their Christmas celebrations and managed to get some Christ worship in as well. It was a hectic and joyful time for the Free family. Kensley has done well. She is no longer on TPN. She is still on IV fluids, but there are no vitamins or protein going through her central line. Her IV fluids run for 10 hours each night and that is all. So far so good, and tomorrow is her 8th month birthday! I haven't blogged since before school was out for the kids. That is when the schedule went out the window. I am sure many of you understand the whole school parties, dance recitals, shopping, Christmas Card writing, Christmas parties, Church pageants, etc. etc. thing. All those activities can really mess with the peaceful meaning of Christmas. AND, we actually didn't do everything that we were invited to do this year! I thought we had pared the schedule down quite a bit, but it was still hard to do everything and get everything done. I was quite overwhelmed. It is just so difficult to maintain Kensley's constant care and do the other things like shopping and going to school parties. We try so hard to keep her at home whenever possible, which means that either J. or I miss out on being with Kaydee or Cooper. This time J. had had enough. He wanted both of us to go to Cooper's Christmas party, so we did. Then we all went to Kaydee's Christmas dance recital. AND we all survived those events fine, BUT the Christmas Eve service at church was another story. Cooper started throwing up at 4am on the 26th and continued until 10pm that night. He has not thrown up or ran fever since last night so we are hoping that he is over it. So far no one else has gotten sick. We Lysol-ed everything at least three times and kept Kensley in her room all day, Cooper in his. PRAY for us. If we can make it through tomorrow, I think we will have escaped without Kensley or Kaydee or J. or I getting sick. Wow! I know that God doesn't give us more than we can handle, but right now I wish He didn't trust me with quite so much. We have come so far, and we could be getting her line out soon. She is such a miracle and she teaches us to be better people every day. She weighed 16 pounds and 14 ozs. today, but her stools are so watery. I change her outfit at least 4 times a day. It can be very draining, but the alternative would be not to have her at all. Praise God for poopy diapers. It is the same way with all of our kids. Everytime your teenagers rolls their eyes at you, remember that you are blessed to have them even when it is hard. Hugs from Heaven, Tana

Christmas memories! 12/16/08

The meaning of Christmas? If you have lived enough years you know that it is not about presents, parties, or decorations. It is the time when we celebrate Jesus, our humble savior who came into the world in the most humble way. But this year, Christmas means even more for our family. I just keep thinking about Jesus being born, not in a safe and sterile hospital, but in a stable filled with animals who probably had never been washed. There were no soft new receiving blankets, but strips of cloth. Yet, He was born perfect and glowing. Well, that is the way Kensley was born too. She was pink and perfect. She cried out at being born, just like a baby should. It was only after the birth that everything went sooooo terribly wrong. When I think of that time, I shake uncontrollably. Now I know what post traumatic syndrome means. I have remained faithful. I have prayed. But I was confused too. How could God solve this problem? How could He cure this baby with such an impossible condition? How would I ever be a Mom to Kaydee and Cooper while being a nurse to Kensley too? How would I get it all done? How would we ever find a sense of 'normal' again? How, How How! Well, here I am, seven months down the road and Kensley has come so far. She had accomplished all the things that the doctors said she would probably never do. She continues to get stronger and healthier. I guess I have learned my lesson, or at least remembered it...sometimes it isn't our place to understand the HOW, but to just wait on the impossible, because NOTHING is impossible to God. We are not done by any means, but we are finding a way to live life and to live it loving each other no matter how inconvenient, or how messy the house is, or how little time we have. Hugs from Heaven, Tana

I am tired. 12/10/08

Kensley is doing well. Her labs looked good, and we are being told that she may be off TPN within the next two weeks. As is, her TPN(nutritional infusion) is very minimal in calories right now, but we have to work off slowly to give her body a chance to compensate for the intravenous calories. She weighed 15lbs and 13ozs today and she is playing and happy.
I, on the other hand, am tired. SOOOOO tired. A muscle in my back is really paining me. I am even having a hard time moving as fast as I want to because the pain is so bad. And there is so much to do. I guess I am fighting to find that little extra bit of speed and strength. We all seem to need those things the most around Christmas. Well, I am creating an anarchy. I refused to be stressed any more. I am going to finish my Christmas Holidays by getting up each morning and thanking God for another miracle day with Kaydee, Cooper and Kensley. Thank you Lord. Now I just have to go to bed. Sleep tight and remember, Jesus loves you and so do I> Tana

Recipe: Christian-cook slowly! 12/09/08

Kensley is doing well. She weighs 15lbs and 12oz and is playing and happy. She has made it through the central line repair without an infection. Her line however, is becoming increasingly harder to draw blood from. It is infusing well, but the draws are harder. I pray that it will hold until January, when it may be removed. For now we are all feeling the Christmas spirit and know that this Christmas will be especially meaningful because of the miracles and answered prayers that we witness everyday. Kensley is by no means completely out of danger, but we have great hope that that day will come, and we will continue to pray for a complete healing because God wants to grant the desires of our heart.

It has occurred to me that being a Christian does not happen overnight, or in the blink of an eye. AND, I do not believe that it suddenly happens the second that you hit the baptismal waters. No, baptism is just the moment in time when you decide to start becoming a Christian, and the cooking begins. Apparently Christians require many ingredients and a lot of stirring the pot. Each one must be seasoned with different spices and such. Then you have to let them rise for a long time.
I came to this conclusion after talking to a friend of mine. She was really upset because in her opinion "Tana, you are such a good Christian. If something as horrible as what happened to Kensley can happen to you, then how much worst will happen to me." First of all thank you for the compliment, but there are no good or bad Christians. Especially me, I'm just a struggling sinner like all the rest of us. You either believe and are a Christian or you don't believe and you aren't a Christian. Well, of course some people are only pretending to believe. Just like your mother always said, 'Actions speak louder than words' You can tell the believers from the non-believers by watching and not listening. So, I always hope that my actions show you how I feel about our Lord. It is true that I have had some trials. We will call them my seasonings. But, with each trial, each hurt and each pain, I have become more assured that God loves me and Jesus is standing with me. And more assured that HE is not finished with me yet. I truly believe that there are blessing and miracles and wonderful ministries ahead of me. There may even be a few more hardships, but with my hand in the Fathers, I will push ahead. I thank God everyday that He thinks this crazy Texas lady is worth all the trouble. BUT, He does and he thinks you are worth it as well. We will all face things in this life. We learn to love life only when we learn how precious it really is. So don't beat yourself up about being the perfect Christian, just keep trying and praying everyday. Life may not be fair, but God is just and if you remain faithful to Him, He will remain faithful to you. We all need a little seasoning and things baked slowly always taste sweeter. Hugs from Heaven, Tana

48 hours 12/05/08

Well, it has been 48 hours since we had Kensley's central line repaired. So far so good. She has shown no sign of infection or fever. She is eating well and playing, happy and laughing. Just 24 more hours and we will know we made it through the procedure without an infection. Praise be to God. Our dietician has cut the TPN(intravenous infusion) down again, so that at this point Kensley is receiving little more than fluid through her central line. If she can maintain this she will be off the TPN by January and her central line will be removed. Kensley never ceases to make me believe in miracles. She always comes through. I on the other hand always show the strain. I try not to worry. You know what everyone tells you... Let go and let God. Well, I think I do that and then my body tells me the other side of the story. How you ask? Well, today I woke up with a cold sore on my lip. When I am extremely stressed or very sick, what happens? A cold sore. Man, I hate that! So, if you are stressed-STOP IT! It will effect your health. Keep praying, I'll be praying for you. Hugs from Heaven, Tana

Fixin' It! 12/03/08

Well, today is the day. The repair kit arrived yesterday afternoon and the surgeon called. We will be getting the frayed line repair this morning at 9:45am. Pray that it works and carries us through until the line can be removed in January. Love to you all. Thanks for the prayer. I'll be praying for you, and if you have time around 9:45am pray for Kensley. Hugs from Heaven, Tana

Still Holding On! 12/2/08

Well, we made it through Thanksgiving. I cooked. We usually go to one of the grandparents, but since we have traveled sooooo much lately, we have decided to do all the holidays here at home. This will help Kensley stay healthy and rested.

Family Update: Kensley is weighing in at 15lbs and 7 ozs. and her labs look great. Cooper has suddenly grown 3 inches taller (so all of his pants are floods). Kaydee finally got to change her earrings from the ones that her ears were pierced with. It was a huge day for her. I have lost 3 lbs( depressingly only 47 more to go). J. is on the road most of December. AND, this family has 4 dance performances, one church Christmas pageant, a UIL contest, and to light the Christmas Eve Advent candle at church. Not to mention shopping and baking. I am sure many of you have a similar schedule, and YES, we did it to ourselves by agreeing to all of this. So, I'll be praying for you to make it through with a heart full of Jesus, the real reason for the season. I hope you'll be praying for me.

Central line update: It is still frayed. The surgeon is going to do a repair on it as was requested by Omaha, BUT...NO ONE IN TOWN HAS A REPAIR KIT. I called both hospitals, the PICU, the NICU, the ERs and NO ONE had one. So, J. called the manufacturer of our central line and they gave us the item number, but of course we are not allowed to order one. They said it could be overnighted if ordered by a doctor. Sooooo, I called the surgeon back and ask them to order it. They did, BUT because it had to go through their hospital supply chain, it could not be ordered on the Tuesday before Thanksgiving. It was supposed to be ordered Wednesday, the 26th and be here by Friday. IT DID NOT ARRIVE. I called Monday (yesterday) and IT HAD NOT ARRIVED. The surgeon's nurse assured me they will call immediately when it comes in. I am not angry about all this, just nervous as a cat on a hot tin roof. This central line is sooo critical. It is both a blessing and a threat. Blessing because it allows us to give Kensley the needed vitamins and calories that her body has not adapted to absorb yet, and it allows for painfree blood draws. Threat because they get infected so readily and this could lead to death if not treated immediately. This is why it is so wonderful to be in Omaha. They are so specialized in working with short bowel kids that they do these central line repairs quite frequently. After all, kids will be kids, and they break their central lines through play and normal activity. BUT, we are hoping that we only have 6 and 1/2 more weeks with the central line and then it will be removed taking away that risk of infection. If you have time, pray for this. If it is God's will to get a new line, fine. I just don't want any infections to arise because of breakage and late mail service! I'll be praying for you. Hugs from Heaven, Tana