What happens to the day 10/31/08

The only chance I get to blog is when everyone else is asleep and all the other chores are done, which is usually around 11pm or 11:30pm. I have notice that these late blogs are getting sloppy. Sorry that I am leaving out words here or there or just plain blowing the grammar test. I am simply tired. J. travels a lot with his job, so I have done the baby nurse, mommy, taxi driver, tutor, baker, seamstress thing alone for about two weeks. I am starting to get a little frazzled. Don't worry though, I planning on scheduling a break soon (even if it is only for a couple of hours). The good news is that I have shown myself that I CAN DO IT. With the help of the Lord, I am making it. Kensley is getting all of her infusions and tubes taken care of. The kids are getting homework done and to school on time. I have taken the kids to dentist appointments, dance class, and birthday parties. I am making caramel apples, costumes, and other special projects. I can not possibly keep this up forever, but I am surviving. After all, it is just mommy duty with the extra nurse duties thrown in. Most all moms have to do as much(and they say Sarah Palin isn't qualified) J. has been working very hard too. He has a new territory and new responsibilities. So if you get a chance to pray for us, we need strength and rest and patience. Kensley needs to remain healthy and growing, and Kaydee and Cooper need peace and patience as we settle into being a family of five. As always I will be praying for you. Hugs from Heaven, Tana
Prayer requests: Please pray for little Jack as he continues to recover from being hit by a car. He is doing OK now and is expected to recover. Pray for a speedy recovery and to be home and healthy as soon as possible. I have a strong feeling that we should pray for Jack's lovely mom, Nicole. She has started a new job and this must be an especially trying time for her. Blessing to Nicole.
Pray for Caed as he remains in Omaha with his mom. He is having a much needed visit with Dad and sister right now. Pray that this time is special and meaningful, and that it will carry Caed and Lori through until they get to come home in three more weeks.
Pray that Jake continues to recover and thrive after his heart transplant. He is doing remarkably well. Pray that it continues.

Busy day 10/29/08

Things are OK here. Kensley weighed 13lbs. and 8ozs. this morning. She is stooling better (less frequent and thicker). Today I talked with our nutritionist from Nebraska. She said Kensley's labs look and that she is absorbing! Yeah! I hope everyone had a chance to read yesterday's blog. I am still asking the prayer warriors all over to pray for little Jack (2 year old hit by car), Jake (1 year old recovering well from a heart transplant), Caed (5 year old with short bowel), and Kensley (my 6month old with short bowel). I am soooo tired tonight that I don't think I can last much longer. Today was the usual - two kids off to school, change diapers repeatedly, feed Kensley repeatedly, mix and administer TPN and NG feedings, make formula, get everyone from school, homework, wash bottles, wash baby clothes, wash all other clothes, wash one load of dishes, carry out trash (a must with dirty diapers)- but we added in 2 dentist appointment, a Harvest Festival, and making 6 candy apples for Kaydee's student council fundraiser. No wonder I'm so fat and out of shape. The stress, lack of sleep and time crunch have really gotten to me. So many people have asked me what I need.... Well, I need two more hours in the day so that I could actually get a nap. I need another set of arms attached to my body so that I could clean house while holding Kensley, and I need a live in Lady's Maid(like they had in Victorian times) that would tend to all my clothes, fix my hair, and help you get dressed every morning. I also need the trainers from the TV show: The Biggest Loser, and let's add in another 2 hours in the day so that I could actually workout! Don't get me wrong, sleep or no sleep, fat or skinny, I am still loving life and grateful for the blessing God has given me. Good night and God bless you all! Hugs from Heaven, Tana

PS. READ YESTERDAY'S BLOG for more info on Prayer requests.

When Thing get Tough, We get to Prayin' 10/28/08

Today was Kensley's 6 month birthday and she weighed 13lbs. and 7ozs. Yeah! This is more than double her birth weight. So keep up the prayers. They are working and they are still needed.


This is Jake...



If there is a cuter cowboy out there, I haven't met him! It is hard to believe that he just received a heart transplant. His parents tell me that he is walking and playing and eating and doing all the things that an adorable little one year old should do. Keep up the good work, Jake. We will keep praying. It is working!

Continue to pray for Caed. He is recovering from a stomach bug, which is very hard on short bowel kids. But, he is recovering and he is in the right place. Pray for his continued healing and for his family as they, like J., Kaydee, Cooper and I, learn to live with this chronic condition and cope with making it "normal" and healthy for our entire family.

Now I need to ask you for more prayers. Today, I received a call that almost stopped my heart. My dear friends, Ty and Nicole are the wonderful and proud parents of two handsome little boys, Luke who is in first grade, and Jack who is 2 years old. Well, Monday around noon, Jack was ran over by a car. He was at the babysitter and on a tricycle. Miraculously, it appears that Jack is going to recover. He has a broken collar bone and femur, as well as a fractured above his ear, but no life threatening or altering injuries. He is so cute and sweet. I cried to even think about him hurting. He is a tough one, and he will recover, but the stress and worry has been very hard on his parents, and a two year old in the hospital is never an easy thing. So, pray that his injuries heal quickly and well, and pray that his parents and Luke will be surrounded by the peace of our Lord, Jesus Christ. Also, I think we should all praise God that He sent his angels to protect little Jack. This could have been a very tragic situation. One day it will be a distant memory and a few more grey hairs on Nicole and Ty's head, but I know that God will use it to minister to other of His miraculous love and protection.
Hugs from Heaven, Tana

6 Months and Counting 10/26/08

On Tuesday, October 28th, Kensley will be 6 months old. There was a time when I feared we would never get here. I prayed and prayed. I asked Jesus to heal our precious little baby. I cried out to God in the name of Jesus. I did it all! And I tried to have COMPLETE faith. But, I am human. My faith was as complete as my human self would let it. My faith has always been there, sometimes big and sometimes small. I have always kept this feeling that somehow it was going to be alright, no matter how many doubts would go through my mind. Now, don't get me wrong. We are not out of the woods yet. Unfortunately, the woods will last for years, but when I started the journey, I wasn't even sure that I could stay of the path, much less make through the woods. Around every corner there was another wolf waiting to nip at our heals. But, as you can see...
Little pink riding hood has not been worried. All she knows is that she is happy and playing. Every day she rolls and scoots on her back more. She loves to eat and grow. Her favorite playthings are Kaydee and Cooper, and life is just fine! And she is right! For now, it is enough to celebrate being 6 months old, happy and thriving. She loves and laughs and brings such joy to our family every moment, that we find it hard not to celebrate each day. There are challenges ahead and this is a very hard thing to do, but so is having cancer or losing a loved one or being unemployed or having an addiction. The list could go on and on. Jesus did not do all that he did so that we would fail and let trials and challenges defeat us. He didn't even let death defeat Him. So, rejoice in the little moments of victory, pray through the moments of mistake and failure, and smile for God is with you every moment. Read Act 3:1-16, and remember nothing can keep you down when you have the power of Jesus on your side. Hugs from Heaven, Tana
Prayer requests:
I got the most wonderful picture of Jake today. He is sooooo cute! He is making remarkable progress and recovering so well from his heart transplant. Praise God for big wonderful miracles. Caed and his family are just great people who have gone through a huge challenge. I have come to love them and wish great blessing for them. I know God have good things in store for them. Their faith will carry them through this, but we need always to go to God on their behalf for strength and encouragement. I ask that everyone pray that Caed's recovery be as quick as possible. I ask that everyone prays for T-ball. Caed is just a wonderful little boy who likes to wonderful little boy things, like play T-ball. Next summer would be his first year of T-ball,so pray that he gets his chance. Pray that if he is still on some sort of feeding or fluid therapy through his central line or G-tube, it will be only at night and he will still get to participate. God gives us our dreams and He wants them to come true. I pray in the name of Jesus that this one comes true for Caed.
Pray that Kensley continues to progress, gain, and thrive, and that we avoid sickness through her first year. This will greatly increase her chances for a normal life.
Pray for all moms who have to be nurses too. It is hard enough to be a mom, but when you add the tasks of a nurse, it can be very overwhelming.

A Trip to Jerusalem 10/26/08

The other night I got to read a book to Cooper before he fell asleep. It was a children's book about Easter and Jesus. AND, my precious 6 year old said, "Mom, I want to go there." He wanted to go to Jerusalem and Bethlehem to see where Jesus was on earth. I ask him if he wanted to go to Disney Land instead and he said, "Yeah sure, but I want to go to Jerusalem first." Wow! I love that my children are learning about God and loving Jesus. Of course he still doesn't want to be baptised. The thought of someone deliberately pushing him underwater is a bit scary. I told him that one day he might change him mind. As many of you know life has not been what you would call easy for the past 7 months (and Kensley is only 5 months), but I have kept my faith (sometimes by the skin of my teeth). I just have this deep down feeling that no matter what life throws, God is there to catch you and IT! So, if you are facing something that seems like to much, throw it over to God. He has a better catcher mitt than you.
UPDATE: Kensley is up to 13 lbs and 5 ozs. Praise the Lord. Hugs from Heaven, Tana

13 pounds and 2 ounces! 10/23/08

We did it! For a day anyway, Kensley weighed 13 pounds and 2 ounces, which is more than double her birth weight. Praise be to God. Of course she may fluctuate back down within the next few days, but I was very excited considering the day I had yesterday. Kensley played and smiled and was happy all day today. She had a good day, but she did stool more loosely and more frequently today. I think this is just going to be a way of life for a while. Thankfully J. is home safe. Kaydee and Cooper are excited because Daddy is taking them on an Indian Campers Camp out to Roaring Springs this weekend. They have been sooooo great this week by helping out and keeping their rooms tidy. I am very proud of them and thank God that he blessed me with such wonderful little souls to make my days wonderful even when they are hectic. I had the pleasure of making lunch for my dear friend Mitzi today (a belated birthday lunch). It made me reflect on something I read once (I can't remember where): God uses people to wipe the tears of those who hurt. Although there were no tears today, I want to thank all of you, my friends, who have wiped my tears through your notes and responses and cards and hugs and smiles. All these things you have given me in love. I can not thank you enough, but I am so glad God used you. Hugs from Heaven, Tana

One ounce! 10/22/08

Today Kensley weighed 12lbs. and 15 oz. Just one ounce away from doubling her birth weight. She has been happy and playing today, which is amazing after the morning we had. We started the morning at 5:30am when she again decided to yank the NG feeding tube out of her nose. You would think that some one so small could not be that quick, BUT SHE IS! One second I am changing her diaper the next she had the tube in her hand. This is not a major problem usually because I am used to re-inserting it, but today I was all alone. J. is in California. Well, I managed to reinsert the thing and then check for placement. All went well, until 6:30am. Kensley has a central line that is dressed under a clear plastic bandage called a tegaderm. I change the dressing every Friday with J.'s help to hold her still. This is a very serious procedure because the line goes directly into the vein near Kensley's heart. SOOOOO I have to use extreme sterile technique in changing the dressing. Well, after the change Kensley scratches at the site. The alcohol swabs and chloraprep really dry the skin in addition to the adhesive from the tegaderm. At 6:30 I started changing Kensley's clothes and quick as a wink she reached up to scratch at the central line site, caught hold of the edge and ripped it right off. I screamed NOOO and scared her half to death, she started crying, I had no help, the kids were still in bed. I quickly calmed down and while holding her hands so that she would not pull the line out entirely, I swaddled her arms, yelled until the kids woke up, and began another dressing change. Thank God for Kaydee, who distracted Kensley so that she wouldn't breath on the site (yes, it is that serious) as I changed the dressing. We managed, and Kensley appears to be no worse for wear. Then I got the kids fed, dressed and off to school, and I came home fed Kensley at 9am. She went to sleep and I washed the dishes and cried. I cried and cried. Will this ever end? Will I be able to keep her healthy? Will she truly have a chance at a normal life? Will I ever not be afraid? I cried out to God and offered my tears up as a sacrifice. Luckily, Kensley's dietitian called from Omaha today. As usual, God knows what I need and provides it. She said the labs were great and that Kensley is doing well. She also answered a lot of my questions and found some suggestions to help with Kensley's sensitive skin and the dressing change. We also talked about Kensley's near future and what to expect by way of eating, weening the TPN, and the NG tube. She made me feel good about Kensley's prognosis. She can do this. She is doing it! Then tonight, again I went to God's word and He lead me to Psalm 126: "Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy. He who goes out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with him." I am doing my best to grow a healthy, happy little baby girl, sometime with tears and sometimes with songs of joy. There are some very scary things that could happen, but everyday is a day closer to being 5 years old, lined up with her kindergarten classmates, with no tubes and no feeding back pack. Today is just that day when my faith was stretched and came a lot closer to mustard seed size than mountain size, so I need the faith of my friends and family to fill in the gap. Keep praying for Kensley. God works through prayer. Hugs from Heaven, Tana
Pray request: Pray for Kensley, Caed, Jake. Pray for children and teachers, doctors and nurses, mothers and fathers. Pray for the upcoming election. I think we could all use a little prayer time.

Thanks for the Lemonade 10/21/08

I am a Chris Rice fan. For those of you who do not know him, he is a christian music artist. Well, he wrote and recorded a song called, Thanks for the Lemonade. It is a play on the 'If life gives you lemons, make lemonade' saying. Sometimes it is easier to see the lemon and not the lemonade. I was recently talking to a lady in her 70's. She was lamenting over all the things that she had not done in her life, such as snow skiing or white water rafting or going to see Mt. Rushmore. She was truly ranking her life as all lemons, even though God had blessed her with the love of her life for 49 years and 4 grown independent healthy children (which is a miracle in itself) If you look at my life right now, you might think that I received some pretty big lemons, and sometimes I might feel that way too. But in my car with this song playing in the CD player, I listened to Kaydee and Cooper sing the words at the top of their lungs as Kensley laughed at them. I smiled and thanked God for the lemonade. It is pretty sweet. Hugs from Heaven, Tana
Prayer requests: Kensley did not gain any weight this morning and we still need 3 more ounces. She is also stooling looser and more frequently today. Pray for thickness and fewer stools.
Caed has his sister with him for a while, what a praise! Continue to pray that he makes progress and that his time in NE will productive and fast!
Pray for J. as he travels.

Just three more ounces! 10-20-08

Just three more ounces and Kensley will double her birth weight before her 6th month birthday. Pray for us! Kensley is doing well. We even attended church on Sunday. I was a nervous wreck the whole time. I just don't want Kensley to get sick and of course so many people wanted to get up close to her. It was hard to isolate her, but most everyone was very understanding and kept their distance. Today was her lab draw and we will find out the result late tomorrow or Wednesday. She is happy and playing and seems great. Kaydee and Cooper have been great too! They are helping out with all the extra work load without complaint, well with little complaint. God is good. Have a great day and keep praying! Hugs from Heaven, Tana

Climbing Mount Laundry

Home again and climbing the great mountain range known as Mt. Laundry. It seems to grow bigger every day and sprout satellite hills in each bedroom. Some of the hills consist of clean clothes that have been taken out of the dryer, but not folded or put away. Some of the hills consist of dirty clothes sorted into the correct color combination for the washer. About the time I get one washed and put away, another grows. Mt. Baby Laundry is a daily climb with special detergent! I am sure some of you are thinking back to the time when your children were small, and the daily tasks seemed overwhelming. Well, sometimes they just are! You have to take care of the big rocks and let the little ones lie. There is an old saying that goes, 'If you want to visit, come on over. If you want to visit my house, make an appointment'. In the midst of overwhelming daily grind, a clean house becomes a very little rock. So, I am sending out a prayer for all the mothers of infants and little ones. We just have to hang in there. It will be easier someday and all the hardship will be rewarded. Even Kensley with all her extra feedings, and diapers and supplements and special schedules is getting easier to take care of (or I'm just getting used to it). It is no secret that this has not been the easiest year of my life, but after a trial God loves to bless you when you keep the faith and keep praising Him. And... just to give me a little hope boost, the Lord led me to Isaiah 61 (The Year of the Lord's Favor). If you need a little hope, read the chapter and claim your crown of beauty instead of ashes. The Lord knows I need it. Like many of you, I am tired, nervous, rushed and overwhelmed (not to mention my personal over scheduled and over weight problems) All these things added to Mt. Laundry can wreck havoc on your peace and self esteem. Well, no more! I am claiming my crown of beauty, throwing out the ashes and counting my blessings now. J. has continued to be my partner in all of this. He supports and loves and tells me each day (even though it is a blatant lie) that I am beautiful. Kensley grows and laughs and plays and tries to make things as normal as she can for Mommy, and Kaydee and Cooper make me laugh everyday. It is going to be a great year-No matter who is president! Hugs from Heaven, Tana
Prayer requests: For Kensley to remain as healthy as possible and to continue to grow.
For Caed to continue to make progress and for the doctors to make the right decisions for his case.
For Jake to continue to get stronger.
For churches and pastors and church leadership to stay true to the Bible and create a Biblical world view and not a world altered Bible view.
For all of you, who encourage and love and remain the hands and feet of Jesus on earth.

Home Busy Home

I am home again and things are going very well and very busy. I took the kids to school on Friday and attended Cooper's field trip to the Corn Maze, helped with homework, packed lunches, got dance outfit together, cleaned house, unpacked most of the things we took to Omaha, made appointments for Kensley, washed bottles, changed diapers again and again and again, read stories to Cooper, tucked Kaydee into bed, AND wondered how I was going to continue this schedule until Kensley is a year old. I forgot to eat on Friday until it was dinner time. My back has been hurting and I have had a headache on and off for two days. Personally, I couldn't be happier. Home is home. It is often a hectic place, but for some unknown reason it is a place a rest. Your heart rests where it is loved. My heart rests at home. Now my body is a different story-no rest there.
Kensley made the transition well. She has gained to 12lbs. and 5oz. Her stools are better, not great, but better. She is trying to roll over and she grabs and hold on to everything, including her nasal feeding tube and central line. This is the greatest problem. If she can get her hands on those tubes, she yanks them hard. The nasal tube has come out twice and I have had to re-insert it. She grabbed the central line so hard that the dressing had to be changed. But what can you do. Kensley, just like any normal active healthy little baby, is playing and rolling from side to side (she rolled over to her stomach one time, but hasn't tried again) and she is trying to cut her first two bottom teeth. She is eating rice cereal twice a day and the doctors say that she can try other baby foods at 6 months. Wow! It was a dream and a prayer that got us this far. We still have a long way to go, but I am going to keep dreaming and praying and the Lord will see my through. Some day Kensley will not have a central line or nasal tube, and I won't have to mix and administer medicine morning and night. That is my dream. You know, God gives everyone those dreams. The ones you want sooooo much, but never think can happen. Maybe it is for a new house, and a better job, a college degree, or maybe you want to start your own business. Whatever the dream, Hold on to it, ask God for help and trust Jesus to go with you on your journey. Hugs from Heaven, Tana
Prayer requests:
Jake is doing well, improving and healing everyday. Pray that he may continue to improve and go home sooner rather than later. Caed had a small bowel series, which we hope will indicate adaption of the intestine. Pray for wisdom and understanding for his doctors and parents. Kensley is still gaining and growing, but her stools remain sometime loose and liquid. Pray for continue growth and thicker stools.
Pray without ceasing for each other.

Heading Home 10/06/08

Well, Kensley and I will be headed home soon. We will have one more doctor's visit and then we travel home later this week. J. arrived safely on Saturday. It is so nice to just sit and talk. We have laughed and had a great time. We also tallied Kensley's progress during our 6 week stay here in Omaha. She has gained almost 4lbs, and grown 2 inches taller. It is amazing. If she continues this progress, she will be on track to double her birth weight by 6 months (just like a baby without complications!) We will have to travel back to Omaha in about 6 weeks for another doctor's appointment, but I don't mind. I have come to trust this team of doctors and nurses. I will be glad to see them again. I will probably not get to blog until Wednesday or Thursday, so I wish all of you a blessed Tuesday. I will be praying for you, please pray for Kensley. Hugs from Heaven, Tana

Saturday Night in Nebraska 10/4/08

Hello, I'm finally back on line. I am using a local wireless signal, but it is just an unsecured network that I can randomly log on to, soooo... sometimes it just won't let me on. I am sorry to all those who check this site daily. Don't stop! But please accept my apologies for the skipped days. They are beyond my control.

Today, J. arrived to spend the last week in Omaha with me. Yes, I said last week. I should be home by the 11th of October. I can not believe that we have been here 6 weeks. It really went by fast. Kensley started this adventure at 8lbs 9oz on August 31st and today she weighs 11lbs 8oz (that is basically 3lbs in 6weeks). She has also grown 2 inches longer, and her head circumference has gone from 39cm to 42cm. Wow! She is on the growth chart in weight (barely at the 5% weight, 20% and 25% on height and head respectively). This has really been a blessing for us, and our time is not truly over. We will return in 6weeks for our first out-patient appointment. All of our daily care will be ordered by the doctors here in Nebraska but go through our GI doctor in Lubbock. We will be e-mailing back and forth daily chart sheets and we will have a weekly conference call with our nurse coordinator. I will admit that I am a little nervous about going home, but the doctors have confidence in our abilities to monitor and take care of Kensley's needs. With that and God, we will be alright. Kensley has still been having watery stools, but the number has gone down. All I can do is pray for thicker and fewer stools. I never in my life thought I would be praying about poop! Well, poop is a major concern in my life now. It takes up quite a lot of my thoughts, prayers, and time. Yes, God does have a sense of humor. Let's face it, people are funny, and if we are made in God image then it is easy to see why a good laugh is a blessing from God. So remember to laugh today. It just might be a hug from Heaven, Tana

Prayer Requests:

Praise be to God, Caed and Jake seem to be doing better. Caed has gained some weight. Jake is eating playing and there is talk of him being home by Christmas (Wow, after a heart transplant). Keep them in your prayers, pray without ceasing!

Pray for Kensley. She is stooling a bit too much and too loosely. Pray that her stools slow down and thicken.

Pray for a special American family in Germany. They are a sweet family with 5 children, 4 of which are under 4 years of age. One has celrebral palsy. They are having financial difficulty due the medical issues. I know it must be hard to be so far from home, with no family, and little support.

Blessings to all of you.

I have always loved Scooby Doo 10-1-08

God gave me Cooper Free, Scooby Doo's #1 fan, for a reason. As a kid, I loved all things Scooby Doo. Of course, I wanted to be Daphne, but I solved mysteries and tried to get my dog Tip to talk all the time. Sometime I just knew he understood what I was saying. Well, Cooper is an even greater Scooby Doo fan than I. He would watch Scooby movies and cartoons all day if I let him. So, just yesterday, as Kensley slept I flip through the channels and found none other than Scooby Doo. I watched and pretended that Cooper was with me. I thought about my children, all three of them. There are so many things that I love about just spending time with them. Hugging Cooper tight as he pretends to be scared about some Scooby mystery that he has seen 100 times. Talking quietly just before bedtime with Kaydee about her day and her concerns and her joys, as I run my fingers through her hair. Holding Kensley against my chest as she falls to sleep hearing my heart beat. All these things remind me to love all of life, good and bad. Children touch our lives and make our moments worth living. They give us honesty when no one else will and they just want love and time. No wonder God tells us to like children (Matthew 18:3-4). So, today I encourage you to hug and hold your children no matter their age, talk to them, love them, play with them, and LEARN from them. Hugs from Heaven, Tana
Prayer requests:
Kensley is still stooling too loosely. She has gone through several feeding changes and they always make her stools loose. It is my prayer that her stools thicken up, so that she absorbs more nutrients and water from the food she eats.
Caed seems to be gaining weight. My prayer is that he continues to gains and feel better everyday. I also pray that his intestine continues to adapt and grow everyday.
Jake has received his miracle heart and is still recovering. This is a very critical time, and although the reports I have received say that he is doing well, I pray for a hedge of protection around Jake and his family as they go through this time.
I also pray for all who read this blog and who pray with me and support my family everyday. You are a blessing to my life and I could not go on without you. May God bless you and Jesus walk beside you.