But I Don't Want Manna! 1/27/09

Meeting with Doctor Mercer

Daddy & Kensley

Having Fun in the Snow

Update: Today Kensley weighs 17lbs and 15ozs. She is feeling great and sleeping great, playing and trying desperately to crawl. She is on an even lighter version of TPN that has very little protein and nothing else but fluids. We are working on increasing her NG tube feeding by a ml a day, and working on taking more solids as well as drinking an electrolyte replacement drink through a sippy cup. The appointment in Omaha went great and we hope to have her off TPN by Spring Break when we return to Omaha. There is a strong possibility that she will have her NG tube (a tube that goes through the nostril and into the stomach) will be replaced by a G-tube (a tube that goes directly into the stomach via an incision). Hopefully we will have her central line out by April. This will allow us to have the option of central line fluids during the cold, flu, and stomach virus season(January-March). However, her central line has been in for six months and it is starting to be more difficult to obtain blood draws from it. So, if you have time to remember us in your prayers, pray for the central line to continue to function until we can remove it.

Now for the Manna part. I mentioned in my last BLOG that I have really been expecting a break through or turning point to happen around the time Kensley turns 9 months. Well, this is the story...

While, Kensley and I were in the hospital in July 2008, J. came to relieve me and I went to pray in the Chapel. I prayed for a while and cried for a while and then I heard something. It was a distinct voice, so shocking that I turned around to see who had come into the Chapel, but there was no one there, only me. I was there alone the whole time. AND, I did hear that voice. '9 months' were the words that I heard. I heard them three times. Some of you may not believe that God can speak to you in that way, but I felt the words in my heart also. So, here we are almost at 9 months. Now I don't know if something is supposed to happen now or within the next few weeks, but I just know that it is supposed to happen. Well, while we were in Omaha, the doctors did tell us a very important thing, even a miraculous thing: Kensley should never be a transplant candidate. This is wonderful, but was this the thing that was supposed to happen at 9 months? I should be elated. This wonderful news, because transplants are very dangerous. This should be like manna from Heaven, and it was. Only I did not want manna. I wanted something even more. I guess I really wanted something almost impossible to have, a complete reversal of her condition, or to be like it never even happened. What I wanted was not God's miracle, but my own. It is just like the Israelites who wandered in the desert for 40 years. They cried out to God for food and He gave them manna, but soon they became fickle and said no more manna, we want meat. They were not satisfied with God's miracle and started calling for their own (Exodus, Chapter 16). It sounds pretty selfish doesn't it? To scorn God's miracle? But I understand and all I can say is that I am human and impatient, but that is the way God made me. All I can do is try to do better to wait upon the Lord remembering that His plan is better than my own. Dear Lord, I ask your forgiveness and your help as I try to become the woman you want me to be. Give us all the patience we need to travel this world waiting upon your miracles and not our own. After all, you are the mighty physician and 9 months isn't over yet. Hugs from Heaven, Tana