Christmas ills 12/29/09

Wow! What a holiday. We were so sick. Kaydee had strep. Kinsley had double ear infections. Both girls were miserable. Kensley had to have two antibiotic shots. Kaydee took oral antibiotics. We were going to go to Grandma's for Christmas, but we were too sick and I was too tired of taking care of everyone to load up and go. So we spent a quiet Christmas at home with snow covered ground, a white Christmas. It was nice. The kids began to feel better on Christmas day. We watched the Nativity Story on Christmas Eve and made our lists of what we would give Jesus for His birthday. On Christmas morning we opened gifts. They loved their presents and we remembered the miracle parts of our year, inspite of the extremely hard few days that had just past. Kensley had been waking up at 2am for the 6 days. Her stools went from 3 times a day to 6 times a day. I am sooooo tired, physically, mentally, emotionally. I pray that her stools will slow down again, and that we can finally get off of her fluids at night. It has been soooo hard. We almost get off and then she gets sick or a cold or something. We really need a break, a time of blessings, and we pray that January will bring that.

Welcome to Fall-What's a little dirt? 9/23/09

It is beautiful in my part of Texas as Fall begins. It makes it bearable to live here considering that in the Spring time the wind blows 90 miles an hour and the dirt from New Mexico seeps through every nook and crack to land on your floor. BUT, what's a little dirt when the today was sooo beautiful with the crispness of the fall air and the leaves just beginning to turn. I have started to notice that our lives are very similar...what's a little poop? HA. Everyday there are 3 or 4 liquid stools that no diaper has been designed to contain, and there are messes, and lots of laundry, all while regular life continues (homework, school activities, shopping, making lunches, football, dance, etc. etc.) BUT, what's a little poop when my children are all so joyful and growing and dealing with all the things we have to deal with as if that is life. YES, joy. It has been a long dark winter that lasted from Fall of 2008 until now. Hope seems to have floated back to the surface. I can finally look at my baby girl and see the 22lb bundle of happiness that she is in spite of all she has been through. She simply is the happiest child-simply happy to be alive. She is soooo normal. BOY, did I worry about this. She has met all of her developmental milestones so far. She is between the 35% and the 50% on height, weight and head circumference. She runs around everywhere. Hugs and loves all of us, including our golden retriever puppy, every day. She simply doesn't know that anything is wrong with her. If she did not have her feeding tube attached for 20 hours each day, no one else would know either. BUT, again there is hope. At this time Kensley has a feeding tube and a central line. The central line allows her to have fluid (basically saline) infused each night. At this time we have weened off of the fluid to 200 ml over 7 hours, and her labs show that she is handling everything great. So, now we will be decreasing the fluids even more, until they will be so minuscule that they will go away all together, meaning that the central line could be removed before Christmas. If you're in a praying mood, that is my request. I can not believe how far we have come or how hard and long this part of our journey has been. This is a chronic condition and there will be mountains to climb in the future, but the whole family has finally broke in the climbing boots and we are much more prepared for trip.

I have to be honest to everyone who has followed any part of our story. From the moment that Kensley came out of the 2nd major surgery(40 hours after birth), and we were told that she lost most of her small intestine, and that the prognosis was not good, I was not living in faith. I was not praying in faith. I was not existing in faith. I was scared, and desperate, and devastated, and angry, and confused, but I was not faithful. I didn't really pray to God with faith that HE could do anything for Kensley. I begged and cried to God...for almost a year. I could not feel the Holy Spirit and I could not really see the progress that Kensley was even making. All I could see was that things were not good. They were messy and gross and scary and impossible. I heard it over and over in my head, "How can she thrive with this condition, How can she lead a normal productive life, How can I keep this type of care up, How can any of us lead a normal productive life while caring for Kensley? AND, Why did God let this happen?" I don't know when my heart began to let go of all the bitterness, and fear, and hopelessness. My depression got pretty bad. I was putting on a good face, saying the right things, but not necessarily feeling them. Inside, I blamed myself for Kensley's condition. I had to give up the job I loved, not to mention the financial strain. J. has had to travel a lot with his job. He carries the insurance that has kept us afloat. So, I am the single mom for at least 3 nights a week, usually more. I became 60lbs overweight. I haven't slept through the night in 16 months. I don't get to go to church regularly anymore, and I have not been away from Kensley for more than 3 hours since she was born. Then there all the regular daily things that have to be done. It is quite a list. I am probably entitled to a little depression. I do know that the only thing that has keep me partially sane has been my daily Bible time. I have just kept reading God's word. Some days I think I was just reading and not even thinking, but I was there and even though there were times when I could not feel it, God was holding on to me. Holding on until my pain lessened enough to start hearing Him again, lessened enough that I could start feeling His love again. You see, God believes in me, no matter how I FEEL. He believes in me and J. and Kaydee and Cooper and Kensley. He believes we can do this. He believes we will not only make it but we will succeed and be better than ever. He believes we will show the world what God does and that many will believe because of it. How do I know this? I kept reading and some things got through...

"And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance, perseverance, character, and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us" Romans 5:2b-5

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present not the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:38-39

I guess I finally figured out that Kensley was not born dying. She was born dying ...to live. Tana

Summer time is almost over 8/19/09

June-Our new puppy! Now I have two girls that poop on the floor.

July -Kensley and Daddy with the cows at PawPaw Free's.

NICU reunion June- Kensley with her Neo-natologist, Dr. Contreras

Summer update: We made it through the summer. Things are rather steady around here. Kensley is 15 months old and running, not walking all over the place, which is a big problem for mom because she is attached to a feeding bag that is too big for her to carry, sooo, I have to follow her every where she goes. You can image how little gets done around here, but she is very cute, and a joy to watch. Kaydee and Cooper have really enjoyed this summer in comparison to the previous summer. Lots of swimming and play dates and fun. Kensley and by necessity, me, were both in the hospital most of last summer(2008). In fact we went into the hospital on the 4th of July 2008, so you can image how excited Cooper was to shoot off fireworks this year. We went to our friend's house and together we enjoyed our $20.00 of fireworks as if they were a million dollar show. Praise be to God. Kensley had another appointment in Omaha on the 3rd and 4th of August. She made the trip well. The appointment was great. Her small bowel series showed little dilation and lots of length. Yes, I said lots of length. Don't get too excited. Her bowel is still short, but it has approximately tripled in length from the portion left after the surgery just after birth. This is what the doctors hope for, but it does not always happen. So, we praise God again. Her bacterial overgrowth does not appear to be out of hand at this time, but her stools are very liquid, about 3 or 4 a day. And we expect that this will be our life from now on. We can not say that we are out of the wood or that we see the end of the tunnel, but we are encouraged. Praise be to God. Tana

Summer Update 6/22/09

Well, it is summertime. The kids are out of school. The pool is open. And, it is very HOT! The Free family is doing OK. Today is Cooper's 7th birthday. He is growing bigger and smarter everyday. Kaydee got her braces on June 11th. They hurt for a few days, but she is used to them now and all is well. Kensley is about the same. She is growing, but much slower these days, about an ounce a week. She is up to 19lbs and 10ozs, and 29 & 1/2 inches, which puts her on the 10% of weight and 40% on height. We have been off of all IV calories since March and doing well. She is absorbing all her calories and still growing. We continue to struggle with bacterial overgrowth in the gut, which puts us on high powered antibiotics for 14 days, which makes Kensley throw up and not want to eat her bottles or solid foods. NOT GOOD. This is a balancing act, and it is sooo hard. We will go back to Omaha the 1st of August.

Good Advice 5/19/09

Well, it has been forever since I last blogged, but the good news is that life is hopping. We are so busy with the end of school field trips and programs, etc. etc. that I have hardly had time to think. Things are going well here. Kensley is 19lbs and 2 ozs which puts her in about the 10th percentile of weight and she is 29 inches long which puts her in the 50th for height. This is really great. Her older sister Kaydee was only 17lbs and 13oz at 1 year which is the 5th percentile (Kaydee was also 31 inches long which is the 95th percentile). So I think we just make them long and lean. The doctors say that Kensley is doing great and she looks great too. She turned 1 year old on April the 28th. I can hardly believe that any of us even survived this year.

She is only having 3 stools a day (occasionally only 2). Sometimes they are liquid, but bacterial overgrowth is just going to be a part of our life. She has been off of all TPN calories(IV nutrition) since the end of February. Presently Kensley is receiving 400ml over 10 hours at night of IV fluids through her central line (because of the short gut it is very difficult for these children to maintain fluid levels), but we are reducing the fluids every other week and she is doing very well in maintaining her own levels. The doctors suspect that she will be off of fluids all together by the end of August. I have learned not the maintain concrete deadlines, but we will lift our prayers to God and let him determine the time line. We are not "out of the wood" and I don't even want to look for a light at the end of the tunnel, because I feel that Jesus has blown the roof off of the tunnel and just let the light shine down all the time. The days are not always good. Sometimes there is poop all over the floor, the highchair, the clothes and the toys, but the moments, those precious moments of laughter and love and hope and always great and now that I have my eyes open to that hope again, I can finally see them clearly.

This has obviously been quite a spiritual test for our entire family. We have been strong and faithful and weak and doubtful, sometimes within a few hours. BUT, God has remained with us. I have daily proof in Kensley and in the many wonderful friends and family who often had to come to our rescue. Thank you. I have received a lot of advice through out this year, and there have been some very inspiring people and moments, but the most inspiring-a true miracle and blessing came in the form of a mom who knew all too well where I stood, because she had filled the same shoes. Her name is Tina and her son, Eric was born premature with an intestine issue that caused him to lose even more than Kensley. Eric is now 9 and doing great with little or no symptoms of Short Bowel. He is truly a miracle and an inspiration to me. She has been there to remind me to have faith and to give me the gentle kick in the pants that I need on occasion. With humor and love she always inspires me to keep keeping on. Thank you Tina.

Another Day to Pray 4/15/09

Reaching out! We need your faith.

We need help and we need prayers. It is another day and we are about the same. Kensley is having loose stools. It is starting to cause her bottom to be chapped, even though I constantly put cream on it. She is only having about three stools a day, which is good, but they are still watery. It is probably because of the antibiotics that the doctors have her on right now. Antibiotics can make the strongest of people have diarrhea. The doctors keep suspecting that she has bacterial overgrowth in her bowel, which is very common for short gut kids. All I know is that we need her bowel to work efficiently and perfectly, for her to start gaining weight, stop having watery stools, and maintain her fluid level on her own. These are our prayer requests. Most of you know that I have been struggling with Kensley's condition lately. I started this terrifying journey almost a year ago holding on to the strength and faith that I had in God. I put a smile on my face and told everyone that I was just waiting on God. Well, I waited and waited, and things got better, but they did not "get good". I wanted Kensley to escape this affliction. And so far, that has not happened. It has been over 10 months of being overwhelmed by diarrhea diapers, broken central lines, trying desperately to keep things sterile and keep my other children from feeling left behind, take care of my husband, house and dogs. The life that we had, the life we wanted, the life we planned is over. I guess I just needed some time to mourn. Time to come to terms with this new life and find hope in the things that are going right. God knew that. He also knew that my strength is not the part of the story that He wants to highlight. I had to become weak to show His power. I have to be totally completely utterly dependent upon Him, and I am-NOW. There is no way that I could continually change these diapers, deal with these medical procedure, and fluids, and blood draws, if God himself wasn't holding me up. My Hope has waned, but His is strong. I am so glad that even when I can't believe in myself, the Lord does. Pray for us, we will be praying for you. I also ask that you pray for all children with this issue. Now that I am in this situation, I am discovering sooooo many children who have this issue or one very similar. Some are making it, some are desperate for a transplant, but all are so special. May God bless them all and give their parents the strength to be caregivers, and parents. And, May God bless those who pray. Prayer is the most important weapon that God gives us. Pray for each other. In the meantime, we will be here calling on the blood of Jesus and asking for a complete healing. Tana

Easter Sunday 4/12/09

Happy Easter Sunday to everyone. May today bring you the renewal and resurrection of spirit that this day was meant to give.

As for the Frees, we are doing OK. Things are not exactly moving forward, but things are not getting worse either. Kaydee has been playing Little Dribblers, until she badly sprained her ankle. It was black and blue all the way up her leg. She missed three games out of the 10 that are played, but one game she went in anyway because another player fouled out. She was very brave and we were very proud of her. Cooper has been playing baseball. He is doing great and having a lot of fun.

As for Kensley, she has had a hard month. It all started after our Omaha trip. In Omaha she had to have a barium dye X-ray of her intestine, and she had a scope of everything(basically a colonoscopy and a endoscopy). This was very hard on her as you can imagine. She was recovering from the trip and tests, until she broke another central line, which J. told you all about in the last blog. While we were in the hospital getting the new line, we decided to have her G-tube placed in her stomach. This was not a simple procedure as it should have been. Kensley's stomach had shifted up under her rib cage and had to be pulled down and sewn to her abdominal wall in order to put a feeding tube in the correct place. It has been very hard to recover from this surgery. She was soooooo sore for 2 weeks. Also, her stools increased and became all liquid. NOT FUN. Watery stools cause Kensley to have a hard time maintaining her fluids and like anyone with diarrhea, she can become very dehydrated. So, we have been battling these things for weeks now, and Kensley has not gained any weight. We think that all the manipulation of her bowel and stomach, combined with travel and teething have caused her to develop bacterial overgrowth in her bowel. This is very common for Short Bowel kids, because most of them do not have a valve to control the flow of bacteria(which is naturally occurring in your bowel) from the colon to the small intestine. We will start an antibiotic treatment on Monday. Hopefully that will help her absorption and weight gain. We are not going to church this Easter. There will just be too many people there and we need a break from any bugs and other complications. BUT, through all of this Kensley has remained her happy and cheerful self. She plays and crawls and laughs and puts us all to shame with her positive attitude. Cruising the Hall!

Minnie Mouse Kensley!

NO NOSE TUBE!!!!

As for J. and I. We are pushing through each day. I admit that the days are getting to me. I wanted so much more for Kensley. I had hoped that we would escape this horrible affliction with some shred of a normal life, but we won't or at least we haven't yet. There is still time for God to work and I pray that He will. And there are worse places to be. We are not on a transplant list, just hoping to receive organs that might or might not save her life. And, our precious child is not mentally or developmentally challenged. She is active and happy. And, we still have a lot of time. Kensley is not quite a year old and her bowel could adapt a lot more and give her the ability to absorb fluids. Maybe even one day she will have fewer than 3 stools a day. There is still hope. We will keep keeping on and I hope that you all will too. There is still hope. There has to be, the tomb is empty! Tana

3rd Broken Line 3/23/09

This is J. and I am going to take a stab at blogging tonight.

It is 4:00a.m. on Monday March 23, 2009 and I am sitting in the hospital with Kensley. She broke her third central line in about the last month and a half. We understand how she broke her first one, as she sat down and cracked the plastic part. The last two have just broken off. She is a very active little girl, now that she has the crawling thing down, and you have to follow her all over the house moving and holding her bags. Its not bad when the fluids are off, as the central line is not exposed and is tucked away safely under her clothes. When the fluids are running is a different story. She broke it about 11:00p.m. this evening and we called the surgeon and he said get to the hospital and get an IV in her and run fluids tonight and he will replace it again tomorrow. I think we will go with a different brand this time. I came with Kensley tonight, as someone had to stay home with Kaydee and Cooper and get them to school in the morning. Tana has had to do this hospital deal the last two times this happened, as I was out of town on both occasions.
I'm not sure I have told you what an amazing woman I am married to. She has been through the mill this past year and handles everything with a Christian warriors heart. Sure there are times when she gets down and frustrated, like tonight when everything is going fine and all of a sudden you look down and see a big pool of blood all over your daughters clothes and on your hands. (Would make almost anyone freak out). I'm not sure everyone realizes what she does on a daily basis, so I will list some of her many duties as a full time mother, Full time nurse, Full time Wife, etc, etc. She first takes wonderful care of me and the two older kids. washes our clothes, cooks most of the meals, takes them to school, picks them up, hauls them to karate, dance, basketball, baseball and other activities. She washes ton's of clothes especially for Kensley as with Short Bowel kids the it's all about the poop. She changes at least 10 if not more wet or soiled diapers per day, mixes Kensley's formula at least twice a day, and trust me it is not that easy. She puts on and takes off her fluids everyday, which is another chore as the line usually needs primed and flushed etc. We change her central line dressing once a week and usually have to replace her NG tube about once a week after Kensley has pulled it out. (Very difficult task, both physically and emotionally). She also does the grocery shopping, cleaning and helps the kids with homework and school projects. She does all this with a sense of confidence and calmness that is truly magical to me. Of course I try to help when I am home, but unfortunately my job requires me to travel quite a bit and she does all of this on her own. What an amazing woman she is. I could not think of anyone better to be the mother of our kids. Tana thanks for making our lives so wonderful, we Love you more than you know.
Most of you know we went to Omaha this past week for Kensley's check-up and additional testing. We took Kaydee and Cooper with us, as well as my Mom and Dad (Thanks Mom and Dad you were a lifesaver and made the kids springbreak very very special). We had a great trip and a very good check-up. They are very pleased with Kensley's progress, and we don't have to go back up their until late July or early August. We will not know all the results of the test for a few days, but she is really doing quite well, as long as we can keep her central lines from breaking, and keep weaning her off of the fluids. Calorie wise, she is doing it almost all orally, which is wonderful news. We would like to ask everyone to please pray for Kensley and our family. Please pray for no infections or complications from surgery and no more lines being broken. Thanks again to all of you who have blessed our lives this past year, we could not have made it this far without you.

J.

Hanging On 3/5/09

I haven't blogged in a long time. I could tell you that I have just been busy, which would be true, but it wouldn't be the truth. The truth is that I have sat down so many times to blog, and I just couldn't. I couldn't think of what to say. I couldn't muster a positive attitude. I simply did not feel inspired enough to talk to anyone. I haven't wanted to leave the house. I simply have been hurting. So many things have happened, so many things have been going wrong, and I just could not muster the strength to enjoy the things that have been going right. During these last weeks Kensley has explored the whole house on all fours. She is a crawling queen. She also pulls up on anything that she can reach. She has two perfect little teeth, and two more on the way. She loves to hug and kiss all of us and she loves to go outside to see the "doggies". She also broke her central line on February 19th and had to have it replaced which is surgery. Then the new line broke again 10 days later on March 3rd, another surgery. She has been up and down on stools and dehydrated on Monday the 2nd of March. She has been very finicky about solids, and has really slowed down on eating. It has been very crazy and stressful and I have been very sad. I had such great expectation for 9 months. I thought her central line would be gone, NOPE. I thought she would be eating more solids, NOPE. I thought things would be sooo much better, NOT Quite! It has taken God several weeks to reach me on all this. I have been angry and disappointed and a little lost. When you are lost in the woods of confusion and hurt, it can be hard to find your way out, but God kept shining a flashlight in at me. He used all sorts of lights, strangers, situations, Bible stories, a few animals, family and friends, and now I am at the edge of the woods slowly emerging. One of the most potent of God's arsenal is a little baby with a perfect dimple in her right cheek and a love for the dogs. Watch the video to see why. Tana

Don't judge a book by it's cover. 2/8/09

We went to a high school basketball game recently. We took Kensley , so we stayed out of the crowded bleachers and watched the game from the commons area. Kaydee was bothered by how people looked at Kensley. She felt like everyone was looking at her because something is wrong with her, and maybe they were. And if they were, what a shame, because when I look at her I see miracles. I see angels. I see love and I see happiness. Look beyond the cover and maybe you can see wonderful things too. Hugs from Heaven, Tana

But I Don't Want Manna! 1/27/09

Meeting with Doctor Mercer

Daddy & Kensley

Having Fun in the Snow

Update: Today Kensley weighs 17lbs and 15ozs. She is feeling great and sleeping great, playing and trying desperately to crawl. She is on an even lighter version of TPN that has very little protein and nothing else but fluids. We are working on increasing her NG tube feeding by a ml a day, and working on taking more solids as well as drinking an electrolyte replacement drink through a sippy cup. The appointment in Omaha went great and we hope to have her off TPN by Spring Break when we return to Omaha. There is a strong possibility that she will have her NG tube (a tube that goes through the nostril and into the stomach) will be replaced by a G-tube (a tube that goes directly into the stomach via an incision). Hopefully we will have her central line out by April. This will allow us to have the option of central line fluids during the cold, flu, and stomach virus season(January-March). However, her central line has been in for six months and it is starting to be more difficult to obtain blood draws from it. So, if you have time to remember us in your prayers, pray for the central line to continue to function until we can remove it.

Now for the Manna part. I mentioned in my last BLOG that I have really been expecting a break through or turning point to happen around the time Kensley turns 9 months. Well, this is the story...

While, Kensley and I were in the hospital in July 2008, J. came to relieve me and I went to pray in the Chapel. I prayed for a while and cried for a while and then I heard something. It was a distinct voice, so shocking that I turned around to see who had come into the Chapel, but there was no one there, only me. I was there alone the whole time. AND, I did hear that voice. '9 months' were the words that I heard. I heard them three times. Some of you may not believe that God can speak to you in that way, but I felt the words in my heart also. So, here we are almost at 9 months. Now I don't know if something is supposed to happen now or within the next few weeks, but I just know that it is supposed to happen. Well, while we were in Omaha, the doctors did tell us a very important thing, even a miraculous thing: Kensley should never be a transplant candidate. This is wonderful, but was this the thing that was supposed to happen at 9 months? I should be elated. This wonderful news, because transplants are very dangerous. This should be like manna from Heaven, and it was. Only I did not want manna. I wanted something even more. I guess I really wanted something almost impossible to have, a complete reversal of her condition, or to be like it never even happened. What I wanted was not God's miracle, but my own. It is just like the Israelites who wandered in the desert for 40 years. They cried out to God for food and He gave them manna, but soon they became fickle and said no more manna, we want meat. They were not satisfied with God's miracle and started calling for their own (Exodus, Chapter 16). It sounds pretty selfish doesn't it? To scorn God's miracle? But I understand and all I can say is that I am human and impatient, but that is the way God made me. All I can do is try to do better to wait upon the Lord remembering that His plan is better than my own. Dear Lord, I ask your forgiveness and your help as I try to become the woman you want me to be. Give us all the patience we need to travel this world waiting upon your miracles and not our own. After all, you are the mighty physician and 9 months isn't over yet. Hugs from Heaven, Tana

A Stranger's Prayer 1/25/09

It has been a long time since my last blog. Time has really gotten away from us, but I had to share this God moment with all of you. J., Kensley and I traveled to Omaha on Monday, January 19th. We flew for the first time. I was nervous about how Kensley would handle the flight, but she did great. She slept most of the time and was happy and playing the rest of the time. It was a blessing. She recovered from all of her illnesses and teething and such by the time we left for Omaha, so all was good. I remember feeling anxious about the appointments. I don't really know why. I think it is because I have really been expecting a turning point or break through when Kensley is around 9 months (This is another story). So anyway, we made it through our first flight to Dallas. Then we made it to Omaha. As soon as we got off the plane we were heading to the hospital to have labs drawn. As we got off the plane, we stopped to pick up our carseat and stroller which were gate checked. There was a pilot there waiting to get on the plane. He noticed Kensley's NG tube and asked J. why we were coming to Omaha. J. explained and the man immediately asked if he could pray for her. I was so touched. There we were with a complete stranger calling on the name of Jesus to heal our little girl. I don't know how many times I have said that same prayer, but to have a complete stranger pray those same words. I can not describe what I felt or what it meant to me. It was as if God was saying. I am here. I am listening. I will never leave you. He was just using a complete stranger to do it. So, if you have that overwhelming urge to pray for some one, JUST DO IT. You may never know how much they need it. Hugs from Heaven, Tana

Listening, Waiting and Praying 1/10/09

Well our trial continues. Kensley is back on a slight version of TPN. This is of course the one thing that we did not want, but if it helps her recover from the virus and the teething and the growth spurt, then we will do what we must. (Definition-IV fluid become TPN when nutritional elements are added to normal fluid, such as protein, vitamins, etc. ) Our TPN has a little protein because Kensley has to go off of tube feeds to stop stooling and throwing up, which is causing her to dehydrate. This TPN will last 3 days and then we will draw labs again on Monday. Pray that it works and we can go back to IV fluids soon. All of these trials have really put me to the test. You see this weekend is my in-laws 50th wedding anniversary and all the family is surprising them with a reception, all the family except Kensley and I. Because of this difficulty we could not go. I had to send Kaydee and Cooper down with my sister-in-law, and again we did not get to be a family. I cried and cried. It just got to me that once again we are separated. Then all the negative thoughts started coming, the doubt and the fear. Well, enough of that! Jesus told us to fear not and have peace, and I am calling on it. With great trials come great blessing and one day we will see those blessings. I am tired of being afraid and worrying. God is my father and He wants to give His children wonderful blessing. So I'm here and I may be here for a while longer, just staying close to home, cleaning poop, doing laundry, feeding Kensley (we haven't left the house in 3 days), but here I will be listening, waiting and praying to God. I hope you'll join me, because I know that God is working to being our family a blessing, just like he is working to bring you one also. Hugs from Heaven, Keep the faith, Tana

A Bump in the Road 1/7/09

Kensley definitely had a virus of some kind around the end of December. She also began teething and grew an inch taller. All of these things have combined to create a very bad situation. They should be normal happy things, but the stress of having all these things happen at the same time has thrown her system out of whack. She has lost from 17lbs to 16lbs and 5oz. She has been stooling too much and they are liquid. She has even been throwing up. These were all the things that lead up to us being in the hospital from July 4th to July 21st during this past summer. I did not want to be back in the hospital so I have jump on this fast. I have been in contact with Nebraska almost everyday, and we have draw several sets of labs, checked a stool sample and blood cultured the central line. Blessed be the Lord, the stool sample and blood culture came back negative for any problem. Sooooo, we are just getting dehydrated again like we did in the summer when the central line failed and we tried to go off TPN and fluids. This time we were only on fluids, but with the virus and other factors it caused us to stool too much and throw up and dehydrate. Now, we are on a bigger dose of fluids but still not TPN. Yeah! BUT, pray for us. We need to stay off TPN if at all possible and we need to absorb all the fluids we need orally. It has been so busy around here with cleaning laundry that she soils every time she poops, and bottles and house work and kids stuff and other stuff. BUT and idol mind is the devil's playground. I have complete faith that Kensley will recover soon and start gaining weight soon. God will not leave us. Neither will the work and chores, yet I know that some day we will have this fight behind us. I 'll be praying for you. Tana

New Year and New Challenges 1/4/09

I hope everyone is enjoying a great start to a great year. We are making it, but with the new year came some challenges. On the 30th and 31st of December, Kensley decided to get the stomach virus that Cooper had on the 26th and 27th. She seemed to recover, but then her front bottom teeth came through. This just added fuel to the fire. She began to stool too much and lose too much fluid. She dropped from 17lbs. to 16lbs and 7oz., and she began to look and act dehydrated in addition to being in teething pain. It has not been a great week for Kensley. BUT, as always the SON has begun to shine on us again. Today Kensley really began to get back to normal. She stooled less and more consistently. She was also her happy laughing playing self. It was so nice to see her back to normal. I hope that we will begin to regain the weight quickly.
It seems that everyone I talk to has or has recently had the stomach virus. It is really bad around here and that makes it hard to take Kensley anywhere for fear of contracting something. Right now my hands are cracked from washing and using hand santitizer so much. I think that we need one of those beautiful cleansing snow falls that covers the whole area with a clean slate and kills all the bacteria and viruses for a while, then melts within 4 days. We are lucky in Lubbock we rarely get a severe snow fall, and few are over 4 inches. Most of our snow melts within a few days too. But we haven't had one in a long times. So, my prayer is for gentle, non severe snow. And I pray that all of our hearts could be especially tuned to God this year as we face all challenges. I know that with each challenges comes a great lesson, but sometimes I'm not learning like the teacher's pet but more like the teacher's problem. BUT I'm going to keep trying. I hope you will too. Hugs from Heaven, Tana