One ounce! 10/22/08

Today Kensley weighed 12lbs. and 15 oz. Just one ounce away from doubling her birth weight. She has been happy and playing today, which is amazing after the morning we had. We started the morning at 5:30am when she again decided to yank the NG feeding tube out of her nose. You would think that some one so small could not be that quick, BUT SHE IS! One second I am changing her diaper the next she had the tube in her hand. This is not a major problem usually because I am used to re-inserting it, but today I was all alone. J. is in California. Well, I managed to reinsert the thing and then check for placement. All went well, until 6:30am. Kensley has a central line that is dressed under a clear plastic bandage called a tegaderm. I change the dressing every Friday with J.'s help to hold her still. This is a very serious procedure because the line goes directly into the vein near Kensley's heart. SOOOOO I have to use extreme sterile technique in changing the dressing. Well, after the change Kensley scratches at the site. The alcohol swabs and chloraprep really dry the skin in addition to the adhesive from the tegaderm. At 6:30 I started changing Kensley's clothes and quick as a wink she reached up to scratch at the central line site, caught hold of the edge and ripped it right off. I screamed NOOO and scared her half to death, she started crying, I had no help, the kids were still in bed. I quickly calmed down and while holding her hands so that she would not pull the line out entirely, I swaddled her arms, yelled until the kids woke up, and began another dressing change. Thank God for Kaydee, who distracted Kensley so that she wouldn't breath on the site (yes, it is that serious) as I changed the dressing. We managed, and Kensley appears to be no worse for wear. Then I got the kids fed, dressed and off to school, and I came home fed Kensley at 9am. She went to sleep and I washed the dishes and cried. I cried and cried. Will this ever end? Will I be able to keep her healthy? Will she truly have a chance at a normal life? Will I ever not be afraid? I cried out to God and offered my tears up as a sacrifice. Luckily, Kensley's dietitian called from Omaha today. As usual, God knows what I need and provides it. She said the labs were great and that Kensley is doing well. She also answered a lot of my questions and found some suggestions to help with Kensley's sensitive skin and the dressing change. We also talked about Kensley's near future and what to expect by way of eating, weening the TPN, and the NG tube. She made me feel good about Kensley's prognosis. She can do this. She is doing it! Then tonight, again I went to God's word and He lead me to Psalm 126: "Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy. He who goes out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with him." I am doing my best to grow a healthy, happy little baby girl, sometime with tears and sometimes with songs of joy. There are some very scary things that could happen, but everyday is a day closer to being 5 years old, lined up with her kindergarten classmates, with no tubes and no feeding back pack. Today is just that day when my faith was stretched and came a lot closer to mustard seed size than mountain size, so I need the faith of my friends and family to fill in the gap. Keep praying for Kensley. God works through prayer. Hugs from Heaven, Tana
Pray request: Pray for Kensley, Caed, Jake. Pray for children and teachers, doctors and nurses, mothers and fathers. Pray for the upcoming election. I think we could all use a little prayer time.